Apr 24, 2008

Did You Catch Oprah?

Well, I sure did! I love watching Little People, Big World because it helps me see that Cole will get married, have a job, make friends, start a family..etc. Gosh, today all it did was upset me! I was sitting in my chair in tears!! It absolutely crushed me when they did a segment on Zach. They showed him with fellow LP's at a convention and people on the street yelling out the M-word to them and just out right laughing. One man even patted them on the head! I could just see the pain in Zach when they showed that clip. It brought it all back down to reality for me. I know there will be days when Cole comes home in tears and the days that we will have to deal with ignorant people. I'm just glad that that day is not today. I don't think I'm strong enough yet... I have come a loooong way, but it still really hurts me. One comment that Zach made while sitting on his twin brother's (average height) shoulders was that if he had just an extra foot what a difference it would make. I was bawling!! I called my husband, but he must have been busy at work because he didn't answer, so the next person I call is....my dad! I'm kind of a daddy's girl :) We had a good talk about everything and I felt much better at the end. I'm sure I will have many more moments of breakdown, but at least they are getting far and few between. Sometimes it's really hard to see my friends having perfectly healthy babies. I still feel like I was robbed of what should have been such a joyous time in my life. Instead of having an easy, stress free pregnancy, I was wondering and not knowing for 15 weeks what was "wrong" with my baby. As some of you now know we were never given a diagnosis until after Cole was born. They kept telling us that his long bones were measuring short, but they didn't know what that meant exactly. Then, after bringing Cole home...instead of it being the happiest time of my life, I was beside myself in tears for the first 3 weeks of his life. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Cole and am so thankful that I got to bring him home just 2 days after he was born. For those of you out there that have experienced the same thing as I have, it's like a grieving process. You grieve the loss of the ideal life you think you would lead. The child that you thought you were going to have. I've been lead down a different path than the one I thought I would be on or the one that most of my friends are on. Who's not to say that this isn't the best path or the right one for me, but none the less it was different. We will have our struggles like ALL families have and I'm OK with that. I just can't describe the feeling I get when I look into Cole's eyes. If you are a parent then you know exactly what I'm talking about. I wouldn't trade Cole for all the money in the world. Oprah just went and turned my day upside down! lol You would think she is Barbara Walters (she makes everyone cry) lol Thanks for listening. I'm sure I will have many more of these days of weakness, but hey I'm human :)

9 sweet comments:

Tanya said...

Katie! Just wanted to let you know how much I've enjoyed reading your blog! I started my own last week, as did Tammy, you've inspired us....why didn't anyone tell us that being a mom would be so hard!! Not that we would give it up though! :) I hope you and Tammy can reunite soon so I can meet Cole...what a wild one!! Boys are so much crazier than girls I think!! Check my baby out at www.willtanyaanddylan.blogspot.com. take care!!!!!!!!

Danielle said...

Hi Katie! I just wanted to say I completely understand how you feel. I have two older girls also, and it was hard at first to know that Peyton would be different than them. It still is hard at times, and I have many many crying spells over it. And then I feel better. It's hard to know our kiddos will have rough times in their lives and we want to protect them from everything! It's great that you acknowledge how you feel and are able to talk to people about it. It's the best thing you can do!

And when it gets tough, just look at Cole's adorable face and know that everything will be fine!!
Danielle

The Hernandez Family said...

Hi Katie,

Sorry to read that you are having a rough day. I can't imagine the extra difficulties you, Brooks & Cole face, but we are here to hold your hand through it all. We love you guys!

*hugs*
Heidi & Noah

Kim said...

Katie,
I hear you! Since Preston is only 2 I can't think that far ahead, but it is more obvious now that he is smaller. Last night when he was sleeping I thought-oh I hope everything will be ok. It does not bother me right now much anymore because he is 2 and I don't think too far ahead. But there are those inevitable times you do think ahead. It's why I've looked into ELL in the first place-not because I reject Preston, but because I think about making his life easier. I don't know what it is like to be four feet tall or four feet nine inches. I have no clue because I am five six and spend a lot of time on four inch heels! :-)
It's a struggle and I truly admire you because your honesty is so pure!
Love and Hugs,
Kim

Jill and JD said...

Katie,

We have all been there, and your post says it all. We have cried many tears, but someone said to me one day, "this little person will teach us more about life than anyone ever could" JD has taught me patience, love, and more importantly to be grateful for the "little" things. (pun intended) We all have grieved for what didn't happen, but now we need to be optimistic for what will happen. It is nice to know the the group of us LP parents can share these feelings with each other. Please share your thoughts with us, we will all do the same.
Hugs,
Jill

PS. There is alot of picture of Cole that are so similar to JD when he was Cole's age...I will have to post some, so you can see. And I can send you some hats for him if you would like. : )

Leann said...

Katie -
As a mother, I feel your pain....you hurt so much for the things that you cannot do to make things 'better' for your lil one.
It's so sad that there are so many ignorant and mean people in the world.
((((((HUGS))))))

Holly said...

Katie - I also watched Oprah yesterday, and it seems the "O" can always put me in tears too :)

It's heartbreaking to think about those ignorant, hurtful people that everyone unfortunately meets in life. But no matter what challenges Cole will face, he has two strong parents that will be there to support him in every way!!

xoxo

Jennifer said...

No one who reads your blog could ever question your love for and devotion to Cole. Our boys will always have each other and you moms will have each other too. Cole is perfect as is.

Tanya said...

of course you can add us to your blog! We'd be honored..:)